The Art Of Ghosting


I know a friend who has experienced this new wave of torture and heartlessness that has swept through the millennial generation and seems poised to become a staple of modern day relationships. Even older generations are becoming accustomed to it.

A ghoster is usually considered as someone selfish who does not want to have to deal with the complexities of emotional debate and conflict. They choose an easy way out instead of grappling with the turmoil of having to empathise with their unsuspecting ghostee.

In a recent study by the University of Alabama it was stated that according to their study one of the main reasons the ghoster ghosts someone is for the sake of convenience. They don’t have to waste their “precious time” ironing out the intricacies of why they do not want to be with you anymore. It is less time consuming to just cut you off immediately.

Another reason they highlighted was the fact that the ghoster is no longer attracted to the person anymore. Could be something they said or something they did and the attraction fizzles out in an instant. Seems unreasonable to some but to the ghoster this is well justified. The fickle nature of online dating makes ghosting easier and more prevalent. Sometimes people like what they see on the screen but cannot handle the reality of who the person is in the flesh. With filters these days people don’t always look that good in person.

Sometimes a ghoster has already mapped out how long they are going to hold on to you for. They already know in their mind to what extent they will tag you along to until you do not meet their requirements anymore and they drop you like a hot potato! It is interesting to note that ghosting does not only apply to romantic relationships but also in platonic or non-romantic relationships.

On a more practical note ghosting can be for self preservation and safety. In cases where someone presents with some potentially harmful traits like being controlling and demanding a ghoster may be justified in cutting such a person off and possibly preventing such things as domestic violence or stalking.

For the most part ghosters are generally viewed as heartless people. One wonders how someone can have the emotional tenacity not to consider or empathise with the person on the receiving end. It takes some numbing of some emotions and practice to achieve. Yet some do it so easily.

The ghostee on the other hand has a lot to process when they are ghosted. The frustration of not knowing where you went wrong seems the predominant emotion. Some question themselves for some time after looking for answers to help themselves get closure they so desperately need. Some may blame themselves and start believing that they did something wrong. However most times it is not their fault at all and it takes time for them to realise that.

There is no telling who is a ghoster and who is not. They come in all shapes, sizes, colours and ages. One just has to be mindful that in this day and age these things happen and it is important to note that it is not your fault. It’s them, not you.

The Roddy Chasewater Show.

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