Arguments and conflict in relationships can be some of the most challenging times one has to endure. Navigating these situations is a skill few have mastered.
Communication is the most vital aspect of any relationship. A relationship where there is poor communication or no communication at all is doomed to fail. Good communication is when you and your partner can speak openly to each other and know that your voice is heard and your opinion valued. It is important to reciprocate this as well when your partner also needs to talk to you. It is a two way street. However in arguments sometimes we don’t give each other the time and space to express ourselves and that is where things get heated.
Pride and ego need to be kept in check when arguments ensue. They make communication difficult and where there is no communication nothing can be resolved. Both of you feel your perspective is the right one and compromising can be challenging. If unchecked pride and ego can make what was otherwise a small disagreement turn into a full blown and at times explosive argument. No one wants to back down. Each one wants to prove their argument is more valid than the other and usually nothing is achieved in these situations.
It is important to understand that you are not always going to see eye to eye on things and that takes a certain level of maturity. Emotionally mature people understand this and are able to digest and accept what the other person is saying without being judgemental. However in an argument sometimes it is difficult to keep your emotions in check. It is difficult to be thoughtful and rational during these times.
Individual coping mechanisms and levels of tolerance differ from person to person. In good relationships people have sussed this in their partners and have learnt to manage their arguments better because they have a deep understanding of each other. There is what some refer to as “being the bigger person” by withdrawing from an argument or conceding to your partner’s perspective but some people feel this is a sign of weakness or defeat. It can save you an argument but sometimes when an argument is unresolved it can manifest itself further down the line.
Ideally an argument between two people should be done in private for obvious reasons. However sometimes it is not possible in a relationship especially where there are children involved. Children are quite sensitive and pick up on the tensions in the home but unfortunately a lot of parents are oblivious of this. Probably because most arguments occur in real time and there is no planning or preparation involved.
However an argument held in private allows you to both fully express yourselves and iron out your misunderstanding without other people being involved. Third parties usually complicate matters and can help stir up negative emotions in the arguing couple. However on the other hand involving a third party can be quite useful. Sometimes people get into arguments that escalate to the point of assault and even murder in some cases. A third party can help mediate and allow for a peaceful conclusion to manifest.
Sometimes taking some deep breaths before an argument or distracting yourself with another activity can help you manage conflict. Some can agree to delay the argument for a later time when emotions have simmered. However they must to come back to that conversation because those emotions can fester and can eventually lead to resentment. Over time you find your relationship can start to fragment because of the arguments you never had.
Conflict does not necessarily spell doom for the relationship and there is nothing wrong with it as long as it is constructive and benefits the parties involved.
The Roddy Chasewater Show.