There are sectors of society regardless of cultural background or ethnic origin that still frown upon the concept of a single mother. It is still seen to them as some sort of abomination and single mothers are well aware of that stigma and they face it on a daily basis. However is it fair to dislike or marginalise someone because they are a single mother? In some cultures they have all sorts of derogatory terms to describe these women in an attempt to make them feel worthless and valueless.
By definition a single mother is a mother who has a dependent child or dependent children and who is either widowed, divorced, or unmarried. Society has struggled with this terminology for a while now. Most single mothers are not single mothers by choice. Some were dumped by the man. Others had to leave the man either for their own safety or for their children’s safety. Some due to a fling or a one nights stand. Others are single mothers due to divorce or separation and others due to bereavement. Nevertheless they all find themselves labelled with the same label of single mother regardless of how unique all their circumstances are. Nowadays with modern technology some women don’t even need a man anymore to become a mother. Artificial insemination and other technological advances have made it easier for women to become mothers all by themselves.
Premarital sex in some respects, has been blamed for single motherhood. The Christian bible speaks of fornication in several verses and how abhorrent it is as a sin. Sexual intercourse and pregnancy are seen as “privileges” for those who are married and should only be for those people. However, nowadays, this does not seem to be that important anymore. Having a child out of wedlock does not carry the same level of shame and embarrassment that it used to. It is perfectly acceptable for people to sleep with each other whether married or not and if she becomes pregnant either you can stay together or you can go your separate ways. There is no pressure. However the burden of responsibility mostly lies with the woman, because she is the one to carry that child for the next 9 months. She is the one who is going to endure hours of painful labour, while the guy can go scot free!
Raising a child is difficult enough for two parents worse still when you are on your own. You have to spread yourself quite thin in some areas to make up for the shortfall of not having someone to share the burden with. Some single mothers talk about being both the mother and father of the household. They have to be soft and nurturing on one hand whilst being quite firm and disciplined on the other. It is not an easy balance to strike. Some succeed but others fail. Those who have succeeded have done really well. Celebrities like Samuel L Jackson, Keanu Reeves, Eddie Murphy, Alicia Keys and Sean P Diddy Combs were all raised by single mothers. However on the flipside some kids raised by single mothers go off the rails and become real menaces to society. Some analysts will blame the lack of a father figure as a cause for this, but is that necessarily true? Does it really matter if someone is raised by a single mother or not?
In an effort to compensate for the abandonment or victimisation they feel some single mothers can present themselves as fiercely strong and self-determined, declaring they can do it all by themselves. Some have been known to trash talk the fathers of their children to their kids. Even when the man wants to see his children and is essentially a good father some single mothers find it difficult to help foster a good relationship between their children and their children’s fathers. They fail to realise that the most important person here is not them, but the child. They use their children as bargaining chips to fight these men. That is not right.
Sometimes for the single mother moving on and having a relationship can be very challenging. Most are quite choosy because of what they have experienced. Some become quite mistrusting of men and can potentially fend off potentially good mates because of this. Pleasing their children is their number one priority. They forgo their own emotional and physical needs so that their children can be happy. That takes a lot of courage. Others will still want to enjoy their lives and be able to date and go out freely without any commitment or attachment. Most want to find a mate, someone who will love and commit to their kids just as much as they do but that is hard to come by. A lot of men are not keen on being with a single mother but there are also those who don’t mind and can actually be quite supportive.
Due to political correctness the term single mother or single mum is not so common these days. Single parent is the more acceptable term as even men can also be single fathers. However the overwhelming majority of single parents are single mothers and that is unlikely to change anytime soon. Single mothers are mostly strong women, doing their best to raise their children single handed which is by far one of the most difficult jobs one can do. NUFF RESPECT.
The Roddy Chasewater Show.
Edited by S.N